THE COSMIC SCALE

Last night as I was leafing through a magazine in an attempt to induce somnolence I was jolted back to awareness by a full page colour advert for---CAN IT BE?--- cigarettes.  Since I was under the impression that cigarette advertising had been banned, as it certainly has in the U.K., I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking at.  “Natural American Spirit” sounds so innocuous, with their ‘sandals and oats’ packets showing an Indian smoking the peace pipe, that I couldn’t quite comprehend that this was an actual tobacco product.  But there it is in huge letters:  “100% U.S. Grown Tobacco,” obviously something to be proud of.  “Share the love,” it says, “100% additive free natural tobacco.”  In my hazy state I read it as “addictive-free” before reading it again.  Natural tobacco?  Is there any other kind?  I didn’t even know tobacco came from other countries; I sort of thought that down there in Raleigh/Durham and Salem and places they were growing enough of the stuff for the current market.  NO?

Not only are they offering $20 in gift certificates (surely that can’t be legal?) they go on to tell us, “On the Cosmic Scale it may be a small thing, but then, to the many farmers we support it’s actually a pretty big deal.”  And not only that, but it means “….safeguarding the environment through encouraging sustainable agriculture, by shipping across shorter distances, and by reducing fuel use and emissions.  It means we can improve the big picture by focusing on the details.  IT’S WHAT WE DO!”  Wow!  It seems that if you smoke these things you’re positively helping the American economy----indeed, helping the Universe! Isn’t that sustainable agriculture similar to the US trying to get all those coca farmers down in Colombia to grow pineapples instead?  Heck, hang the consequences:  let’s all band together and smoke ourselves silly sharing the love!

Oh, but then come the warnings:  “No additives in our tobacco does NOT mean a safer cigarette,” and “Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, and may complicate Pregnancy.”  Well, surely since they’ve just written two pages about sharing the love and helping farmers, the gamble is worth it?

On television there is no cigarette advertising but there is advertising for pharmaceuticals, something which the U.K. also does not have.  I often wonder what doctors think of this:  are we supposed to be going in to our doctors well-informed when they tell us they are going to put us on ABC or are the drug companies just hoping that we go into the doctors demanding to be put on ABC?  I have a cardiologist at the moment who is about half my age.  He rather looks as if he just stepped off his surf board and came in from the beach, but, my gosh, does this guy know his stuff.  It would be a cold day in hell before I went in and demanded to be put on something I saw advertised on television.  And why would I?  The drug companies, just like the cigarette companies, have to give you all sorts of warnings.  After the happy little scenario encouraging you to want the particular medication they are selling, someone goes on to give you a list of possible side effects that make cigarette smoking look positively healthy and life-enhancing.

So, on the Cosmic Scale where does this put us?  We’ve got cigarette companies asking us to share the love but warning about heart disease while happy couples headed off to the bedroom on Viagra or Cialis are warning about four hour erections.

 Hmmm. I guess I know on whose side the cosmic scale is balanced…